why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
