i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize