she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
