All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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