I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
