im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
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she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
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You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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