We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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