Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Fuck appropriateness.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
