I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
