her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
