dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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