Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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