he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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