you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
