yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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