i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
