she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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