hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
