kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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