Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
