i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
