Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
