your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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