hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
