i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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