Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
