i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
