She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
