Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
