Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
