You work out of a Hotel?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
