Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
