So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
