as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
