Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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