I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
