Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Life is so much better after having sex.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
