i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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