I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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