At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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