I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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