just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I am naked and annoyed.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
