He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
