i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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