You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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