would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
