I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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