You're so nebulous sometimes
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
