I'd wear matching sweaters with you
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
