You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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