the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So here I am, sexting at work.
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