I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
