he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
