I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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