Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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