when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
