If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
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So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
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He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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