how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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