Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
