so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
