If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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