I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
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