she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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