Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
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Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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