First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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