we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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