She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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