you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
