New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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