Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
