Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
