Your face is a jimmy john
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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