There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
