Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it glows. i had to have it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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