wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
