Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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