becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
