Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
