My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
