i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
