Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
